So maybe it is the circles I run in, but the whole question of modesty seems to be blowing up all over my social media. For a while, Jessica Rey's presentation about the Evolution of the Swimsuit was impressing some of my friends and more recently I have seen a few other posts, including this one by Rachel Held Evans. And just a few weeks before that, Marc Barnes over at the Bad Catholic Blog let loose a torrent of posts on the issue of modesty. Although I have only read one of them (Modest is Not Hottest) I highly recommend all of them because I hold his blog in the highest esteem.
But I digress. On to my actual post which is, more or less, a response to the post of Ms. Evans for www.qideas.org. I agree with many of the things that Ms. Evans said, in fact, but there are a few points on which we might disagree.
One of the mistakes that we tend to make on the issue of modesty is reducing modesty merely to a style of clothing. Yes, modesty affects the way we dress, but it is so much more! Modesty is a virtue and a Fruit of the Holy Spirit. If we have the virtue of modesty then it will inform the way we dress, but to say that to be modest all we need is to dress differently then we miss the whole point of modesty.
This is where I think the teaching of the Catholic Church on modesty is so incredible. And I think that when we teach on modesty it would be good to actually look at those teachings. The Catechism of the Catholic Church devotes a small section to the "Battle for Purity." It is here that we read some of the most important teachings on modesty. "Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden...Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing. There is a modesty of the feelings as well as the body... Modesty inspires a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies." And it goes on. All of this can be found from paragraphs 2520- 2527 in the Catechism. It is a very quick read.
My wife made an interesting observation on this issue last night. She said, "There is a difference between a woman who wears a bikini at the beach and spends the day with her family, goes swimming, etc, and a woman who wears a bikini and prowls the beach and flirts with anything that moves." Modesty cannot simply be about the way we dress, it is, more importantly, about our attitude and how we act. You can wear a hajib all you want, but if you then proceed to go out and act overtly sexual, it doesn't matter what you wear. As a high school teacher I see this especially at school dances. Girls (and boys for that matter) get dressed up and look classy, but their manner of speech and dance can be far from modest. This is why the Catechism tells us that, "Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person." Its not just about how we look.
That being said, both Ms. Rey's and Ms. Evans' posts seemed to focus on what we wear. So I want to touch on that a little bit. Ms. Evans speaks about "three extremes those of us who value modesty should take care to avoid" and of those three I would like to comment on two.
"We turn modesty into objectification when we hold women responsible for the thoughts and actions of men." To a certain degree, I agree. We cannot hold women completely responsible for the thoughts and actions of men. That would deny free will on the part of the men. But it seems that Evans wants to absolve women of any responsibility for the thoughts and actions of men. She writes:
Notice Jesus doesn’t say, “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart, so ladies, be sure to dress more modestly.” Instead he says to the men, “if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away”!
This line of thinking says, "I am not my brother's keeper." This is the very sentiment of Cain. After killing his brother Abel, he says to God, "Am I my brother's keeper" (Genesis 4:9). We do have a responsibility for those around us. No man is an island unto himself. St. Paul writes on several occasions urging us to take care that we do not lead those around us into sin. He writes, "it is good not to drink wine or eat meat or do anything else that causes your brother to stumble" (Romans 14: 13 ff. See also 1 Corinthians 8: 7-13; 1 Timothy 4:12). Even Christ Himself speaks to the issue. Right before he says, "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away," He says, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were put around his neck and he were thrown into the sea" (Mark 9:42 ff). So there seems to be a dual responsibility, the one who causes another to sin is partially responsible as is the one who actually commits the sin. That being said, protecting men is not the reason women should act modestly, nor vice versa. Rather, we should act modestly to protect ourselves.
Modesty serves two purposes (and this is how I teach modesty in the morality class at my school): First, it protects you from being used.
Second, it protects others from sin.
Notice that the primary purpose of modesty is to protect us, not others. I speak, think, and dress modestly because it is good for me. Remember what the Catechism says, "Modesty protects the intimate center of the person." Modesty is like a gun. Yes you can use it to protect others, but the reason you got it was to protect yourself. If you don't want to be at the center of someone's disturbing fantasy, then be modest.
Evans' second point is that, "We turn modesty into objectification when we assume that there are single standards that apply to all people in all cultures." Ms. Evans I absolutely agree with you on this point. And I agree that "We don't stop lust by covering up the female form; we stop lust by teaching men to treat women as human beings worthy of respect." But I also reject what I understand to be your conclusion. Perhaps I am wrong, but it seems like you are saying, "Different cultures understand modesty different and so we can't make any rules about it." My idea, and that of the Catholic Church, is that yes, while modesty differs from culture to culture, we live in a fairly specific culture. Those cultures in which topless women are the norm seem to be more of the exception rather than the rule.
The Catechism says, "The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an institution of the spiritual dignity proper to man" (CCC 2574). Within the United States, I think it is fair to speak of an "American Culture." And within that culture I think it would be reasonable and responsible to speak about what activities and fashions are modest or immodest on a very objective level, rather than on the subjective. Specifically what "rules" should be followed is another question entirely, but I think that it would be good to start a discussion on that matter.
And so Ms. Evans, while I think your article was very well written (far better than mine), and while I think that you spoke some very important truths into this discussion, it seems to me that you missed one very important aspect of modesty and immodesty. Immodesty does not affect others first, it affects me first. It took me a while to pinpoint my exact disagreement with your point of view, but in the end it is this: You seem to brush off the lust of others as their problem. But if someone were to lust after me (which is far-fetched indeed) it does not just hurt them, it hurts me. I should be outraged if someone were to objectify me, because I am worth so much more than that. This is why I am modest, because it is good for me!
So to summarize, modesty is about who we are, not what we look like. What we look like is only part of who we are. This was one of the things I really liked about Jessica Rey's presentation. Towards the end she says, "Modesty isn't about covering ourselves up...its about revealing our dignity." Modesty reveals to the world that we are Christ's, and perhaps more importantly, it allows Christ to shine forth through us. If this is what we want, then yes, we must dress differently from the culture around us, but we must also speak, think, and act differently. We must get to the point where we can say with St. Paul, "It is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me."
God love you!
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